John TV: Episode #53 ANCHOR

There are times where you need to move … and times you just need “to be held.”

The Habits of Hanging On

Today’s post is the featured article from the July 2011 issue of The Front Porch Newsletter. If you would like to automatically receive The Front Porch e-newsletter on the last Thursday of each month just click here to sign-up for your complimentary subscription.

We live in a world of rapid change. Yet some would say, “the more things change, the more they stay the same.” Change can be deceiving. Change can be a very surface-level thing. Like white-washing. Like a façade. Employees become immune to the next “flavor of the month.” Unfortunately, leaders do too.

More critically, change can deceive us from understanding what we are really hanging-on to.

In fact, change can tighten our grip unknowingly encouraging us to hold-on tighter beneath the surface of change. We can become quite effective at appearing to change when nothing has really changed at all … and most everyone knows it. Certainly, leaders often undermine the process because they want change and they want it now. I am reminded of the advice a dear friend of mine learned from her grandfather:

Nothing really great happens very quickly.

I think of the generations upon generations who would invest in building a cathedral they would never see actually completed. It would be hard to imagine in today’s world. A case could certainly be built that speed and volume are the enemy of meaningful change.

But what if the real undermining enemy of meaningful change had nothing to do with speed … or volume? And what if it didn’t have as much to do with the leader as it had to do with every one of us? What if it simply had to do with our tendency to “attach” to anything and sometimes everything … especially certain things? On the surface, attachments can seem beneficial. It often seems synonymous with great things like commitment, passion and reliability. Our attachments, however, may very well create a facade of these noble characteristics just the same as the motions of change establish a deceptive white-washing for meaningful change.

Our attachments are a paradox.

If you have to hang-on to something then you really don’t have that something at all. In other words, it is forced rather than real. I would suggest this is true in our most critical relationships, it is true in employee engagement, and it is true in our loyalty. And sometimes what we hang-on to in turn begins to hang-on to us. This makes meaningful change really hard to come by.

It is when you are free to go, but you decide to stay … that your choice to stay is real. It is also true that when you are free to stay, but you decide to change that the choice to change is real. The success of meaningful change may have less to do with the pitfalls of rapid forced change than it has to do with our arms of attachment … our habits of hanging-on.

It may be another dimension of why our core values are so critical. While we tend to be attached to behaviors, wants and needs …. our core values are just a way of being. Grabbing values is like trying to grab air or water. You can be in it, absorb it, and benefit from it … but you just can’t attach to it.

Maybe the leader’s drive to force change is driven by the actual need to unleash the solid grip we hold. Rather than forcing change, a leader may be more effective by modeling detachment.

If you have read this far, you might be thinking … so what’s your point?

I am half thinking the same thing. But then I remember … we are so attached to the concept that every article must have a point. If your mind, at this point, is simply wandering and wondering … then you may have just taken your first step on your way to detachment. And it is there that you just might find what really needs to change!

John TV: Episode #46 APPRECIATION

The bottomline is appreciation is appreciated.  And it affects your bottom-line! But to affect your bottomline, you can’t do it to affect your bottom line. You must do it because you mean it! It is an interesting paradox.

John TV: Episode #40 STORY

Story … the oldest and most powerful form of communication.  What did today add to your story?

Too Much of a Good Thing

Today’s post is the featured article from the January 2011 issue of The Front Porch Newsletter. If you would like to automatically receive The Front Porch e-newsletter on the last Thursday of each month just click here to sign-up for your complimentary subscription.

Sometimes truth speaks when you don’t expect it … in a place you wouldn’t plan to find it. Last week, I was on Facebook. I tried to “friend” someone (we will call him Jack Smith) … to which Facebook replied:

Jack Smith has too many friends.

I understand the mechanics and that Facebook limits you to 5,000 friends. Mechanically, Jack needs a Facebook “Fan Page” with unlimited “likes” to stay connected. But that wasn’t what I was thinking. I was thinking Facebook’s automated message probably speaks more truth than they had intended.

Jack Smith probably does have too many “friends.”

We live in a world that reaches far and wide. And I have no problem with that … unless it replaces our ability to reach narrow and deep. Maybe Facebook simply picked the wrong term in using “friends.” It risks diluting the concept of friendship. Maybe “connection” would have been a better term. LinkedIn was probably more appropriate in labeling your connections as “contacts.”

Don’t get me wrong. I think Facebook is packed with potential. It has provided the ability to renew meaningful friendships that have faded through the passing of time and the distance of miles. But it also demands of us.

It would be fine if there were only Facebook.

The evolution of all types of technology creates an ever-expanding and demanding reach of our awareness and attention. Picture your “ability-to-focus” as a small glass filled with dark-blue food coloring. Picture Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, You Tube, email, and websites as an Olympic-size swimming pool filled to the brim. Poor your “focus” into the pool and you know what happens. At first it is visible exactly where you poured it. Slowly, but surely, the contents of the pool begin to break it down and dilute it. With the movement of the water, our dark-blue “focus” begins to drift and dilute losing its potency.

Our ability to focus, in the midst of ever-increasing stimuli, will likely become one of our most critical attributes. We have evolved from local communities to a global village … from print to airwaves to the internet. The trajectory has continued to be faster, more immediate and wide-spread. And we have just gotten started compared to where we are headed. There may be little more important, today, than increasing our ability to stay focused. Some would say “focus” is a developed skill. I would say not.

Focus is a result … of something much deeper.

It is our values that become the core of our ability to focus. Nothing more. Nothing less. Our decision to get more focused is comparable to most New Year’s resolutions. It works for a while and then like dark-blue food coloring … it slowly fades away. Values don’t organize our “to-do” list … more importantly, they determine our priorities. Our priorities in-turn fuel our focus. They determine who and what is most important. Johann Von Goeth simply put it this way, “Things which matter most, should never be at the mercy of things that matter least.” This, of course, begs the values-driven question: What really matters?

The trajectory of the on-going development of technology has already created an existence beyond our ability to keep-up. That is not a problem if we commit to the hard work of truly understanding our values. It is true in organizations and in the organization of our individual lives.

The efficiency of business and the quality of our lives will increasingly depend upon it. It may be our only hope that, in the end, technology will have served us rather than vice versa.

Playing Favorites

Today’s post is the featured article from the November 2010 issue of The Front Porch Newsletter. If you would like to automatically receive The Front Porch e-newsletter on the last Thursday of each month just click here to sign-up for your complimentary subscription.

Happy Thanksgiving! When Thanksgiving rolls around, there are two comments I typically hear. The first is, “I can’t believe Thanksgiving is already here.” It is never a surprise, but it always seems to sneak-up on us. It must have something to do with the realization that another year is slipping away. It certainly is a reminder that time passes quickly. It is a wake-up call of sorts! The second most typical comment is, “Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year.” It is my favorite too! My unscientific survey indicates Thanksgiving is the favorite holiday … hands-down!

There must be a reason.

Some would say it is their favorite Holiday because minimal expectations come with this celebration. You just get to hang-out and be together. Could that have something to do with how we were designed? It is certainly one of the reasons I love Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is simple.

On the surface, simplicity is probably what makes it so appealing. But I think it is more than that. I would suggest it has to do with the very intention of why this Holiday was created. Whether it was the first celebration of Thanksgiving in the early 1600’s or Sarah Josepha Hale’s persistence with numerous politicians and five presidents, in the 1800’s, to institute a national holiday of thanksgiving … the intention was simply to stop. Give thanks! How could you argue against such an intention?

Gratitude is a powerful force.

But why would you stop, give thanks and then start again? Doing so undermines the real potential of Thanksgiving. What if Thanksgiving was a national day of practice … not a day of giving thanks, but rather a day of practicing gratitude. Not a day to stop, but rather a day to begin … to get in-shape for developing a richer perspective deeply planted within gratitude.

It seems our tendency is to look at what is wrong … and it is often done with the good intentions of fixing a problem. Instead of seeing what is wrong, Marcus Buckingham and the Gallup Organization have done extensive research in seeing what is right. They found, in looking through the lens of what is right, we gain refreshed perspective and are energized to tackle the challenges we face.

Likewise, gratitude changes our perspective and in-turn refreshes our attitude.

Imagine an organization naming “gratitude” as an official corporate value. Grateful for our employees. Grateful for our customers. Grateful for our leaders. Grateful for our resources. Grateful for opportunities to learn, grow and develop.

I am not talking about a “feel good” exercise, but rather a defined expectation. It could change everything! It is easier to respect that for which you are genuinely grateful. But it doesn’t happen organizationally. It happens individually. The seeds of gratitude can only be planted within each one of us. Then from us, gratitude has the potential to spread like wildflowers, yet have the strength of sod with its tightly woven root system.

I am thankful for Thanksgiving!

In the end, Thanksgiving may be the one holiday that actually comes filled with expectations … not to stop, but rather to begin.

It is time for us to eat, drink and be merry … and to get our gratitude in-shape. I hope in pointing this out, I haven’t ruined your favorite holiday. May your Thanksgiving be happy … but most important, may it deepen your ongoing sense of gratitude.

Lessons from the Blind Side

Today’s post is the featured article from the July 2010 issue of The Front Porch Newsletter. If you would like to automatically receive The Front Porch e-newsletter on the last Thursday of each month just click here to sign-up for your complimentary subscription.

It’s not the summer I expected. Or planned for. Blindsided. On June 2nd, I had my second retinal detachment in six years. Yes, this time the “other” eye.

I didn’t exactly attend summer school for the last two months … but I did learn some things. It was my own “silent alarm.” I would have never chosen it. Nor did I like it. But I certainly didn’t want to “miss” it. You know … the lessons that come with any challenge if we choose to see them. Actually I would have preferred to hit the snooze and just gotten back to normal … whatever that is!

I was simply reminded of some things, saw some old things in new ways, and learned some new things. I don’t share them because they are profound insights. In fact, I hesitate to share them at all … for fear you may think “That’s it? That’s all you learned!” But, I’ll take that risk … knowing they simply are what they are. And just to minimize the risk, let’s pretend there were too many lessons to list here and so I just picked a few … for that holds some truth too!

1. What we anticipate would be our worst nightmare … usually isn’t.

After my first retinal detachment, six years ago, people would ask me if I was scared to death about losing my vision in that eye. I would always tell them that I was amazingly at peace through the whole ordeal. But I would always add, “but if something happens to my ‘other eye’ that would be my worst nightmare.” Six years later it did. It certainly came as a shock, but it was no nightmare. It was just my next experience. You reach deep and carry-on. It is not easy, but it is usually not the nightmare we anticipated either.

2. We do much more work than we need to do to create the results we actually need to create.

A week after surgery, my retina specialist, told me I could do a “few” things for work. (So glad he did not actually quantify “few”!). The truth is … I could only do a little. When you can only do a little … and you are trying to run a business … you pick very carefully. I am convinced we are doing way too much … with often meaningless results. And it comes with a huge cost. We incrementally keep adding on the pile, rarely deleting enough. If you only had 25% of your current capacity, what would stay and what would go? Not only work, but relationships. When you are forced into that reality … the answers become clearer. Why wait for the reality? Take the opportunity to do it anyway!

3. Some things you just can’t rush. You can only set the conditions for them to develop.

Retinal detachments are one of God’s lessons in patience. I guess I must not have learned it well enough six years ago. You can’t rush your vision back to clarity. It is a very slow process … especially when you want to see again. A dear friend once shared with me a lesson from her grandfather … “nothing good happens quickly.” We live in a world that wants immediate results … immediate satisfaction. I would suggest the most important and wonderful things in life don’t happen quickly. It’s true in meaningful relationships, it is true in great companies, and it is true with regaining your vision. It’s also true that if you patiently wait, you will appreciate the final results all the more.

4. It is amazing, when you are forced to keep your eyes closed for several days … what you will see!

There are so much visual stimuli in this world … more every day. I am convinced that our vision sometimes blinds us to what we really need to see. It often keeps us distracted from what is real. It certainly keeps us from what is real important. Ironically, it makes things blurry. If you look within … it becomes clearer what you can really do without. It is no wonder we make bad decisions in business and in relationships. Try closing your eyes … and look around.

Most importantly, I learned to deeply appreciate the kindness of so many people who reached out in so many ways. I have especially appreciated the prayers of hundreds of people as far away as Australia. They have reminded me, most, that you are never alone … which is why it was not the nightmare I thought it might be.

John TV: Episode #27

Maybe we should have left this on the “cutting room” floor.  But then again, maybe not!

The Alarm is Still Ringing!

Refusing to Snooze

So often, when we come upon disruptive circumstances in our life, we just want to hit the “snooze” and just “get back to normal.”  We think the change, and the process of that change is going to be painful.  But what if it wasn’t?  What if it was an unexpected gift?  My friend, Nancy Berry, didn’t choose her job transition.  It chose her, as it has so many in the last 18 months.  But she didn’t hit the snooze.  And as she nears the end of this transition, she decided to reflect on her experience and to share it with those who helped her along the way.  She shared a copy with me.  I was so taken by reading it, I asked if I could share it with you.  I hope you will enjoy letting it sink-in to the circumstances in your life:

So often in the recent years, I longed for the opportunity to step off the treadmill and catch my breath.  I never really thought it would happen so I hadn’t considered how that dream might actually come to fruition.  If I had planned it, I would have won the lottery I never play or I would have married the wealthy man I haven’t yet met but I certainly wouldn’t have wished to be laid off.  While the means through which my prayer was answered certainly wasn’t in my master plan, the experience has turned out to be one of the greatest gifts and opportunities of my life.

From the very beginning, I was able to focus on the silver linings of this experience  - a quality to which I owe my always optimistic mother.  Far and away, the best part of this experience was spending 11 months as a full-time mom - there to get my boys off to school in the morning and to hear what was on their minds when they walked in the door after school.  I have enjoyed beyond measure the ordinary moments and tasks that everyday life brings with them in it and I was able to enjoy infinitely more of those moments over the last year.  What a blessing!

I met over 100 new people through my networking efforts.  These people opened my eyes to the wide world that extends beyond the legal industry as they talked to me about their work, their organizations and their industries.  I reconnected with countless people who I am thrilled to have back in my life - mainly former colleagues but a few old friends as well who I won’t lose touch with again.  I took a class to prepare me for the Senior Professional in Human Resources certification test, which I passed in January.  While I didn’t want to become an HR generalist, I wanted to shore up what I considered to be a lack of HR knowledge in my background.  I extensively researched a topic about which I have become passionate - that law firms need to have more rigorous interview techniques like those utilized by top accounting and consulting firms and UK law firms.  I have spoken on that topic a few times and have written a soon-to-be-published article for Am Law Daily.  I worked on several projects that I was interested in for different firms and organizations and I was able to do so at my pace. I attended two conferences, numerous webinars and monthly professional group meetings on recruiting and professional development to keep myself immersed in the industry to which I became so eager to return.   So many opportunities!

It wasn’t all work - I took naps and lots of them and have the worn couch cushions to prove it.  I became reacquainted with the gym.  I got to breath fresh air in the middle of the day.  My faith was tested.  I often passed but occasionally failed.  I learned to single task and even enjoy it.  I stopped driving 10 miles (ok, often more) over the speed limit at all times because I was no longer in a perpetual hurry, though I admit, I was awfully slow to realize that.  I read voraciously, enjoyed every word along the way, learned so much and was reminded of how little I know.  I started writing for pleasure and for profit.  I learned I am passionate about painting - but can only do so with a paint by numbers kit typically used by young children.  Seriously.  I was reminded there are some things I can control and many more I can not.   I was able to be still - a skill I did not know I had.   I was able to think - sometimes too much.  I was able to reflect - again, sometimes too much.  I was able to plan.  I was able to organize - but not enough. And I did an awful lot of nothing.  Such gifts!

No one has been more surprised than me at the quiet confidence I had throughout this journey that everything would work out and for the best.  That said, there were some days when my confidence wavered and others when it flatlined.  i have been carried along this journey over the last eleven months by the cheerleading, support, generosity and kindness of so very many people.  Some people who had never met me and many who had just met me went out of their way to help me even when I could offer them nothing in return.  There are 76 of you who have gone above and beyond on my behalf and for that, I’m genuinely eternally grateful.  Whether you introduced me to people with whom I could network, watched my kids while I was networking, asked how you could help and meant it or sent me an email out of the blue asking how I was doing and encouraging me to hang in there, I want you to know how much your efforts were and are appreciated by me.

I have said … “often times the circumstance in which we find ourselves is beyond our control, but the response we choose is not!”  Nancy chose not to snooze, but to wake-up to her experience … and it has paid-off.  Nancy will begin the next chapter of her professional  life later this month as she joins  Katten Muchin Rosenman as the Director of Professional Development.  Fire up the treadmill … I think she is ready to jump back on … with a whole new perspective.  In fact, reading her reflection today has refreshed mine.  Thank you, Nancy!